Shabby Blog

Monday, 8 October 2012

On Motherhood - Finding out you're pregnant.

Motherhood, is my main occupation at the moment and I find myself frequently considering, how I ended up here, at home, looking after our son.  Dare I say to you all that I love it and wouldn't wish to be anywhere else? (Most of the time anyway!)

So, how did we get to this point?

There I was April 2011, with a sneaky suspicion that all the trips to the toilet meant that there was a chance that we were going to have a baby.  It was nice to have an answer to why I was feeling so odd, but it was also confirmation that these symptoms were likely to continue for some time... Not so joyous!

Since that time, when I asked Neil to get a test and I said the words out loud.  I can still remember walking around outside an office block I was working in at the time in the depths of Surrey.

" I think I might be pregnant..." - I said quietly, trying to make sure the empty street couldn't hear me.

We did the test.  It was positive. One test was all that was required. 

It was a major deal for us, not a massive surprise but something that I knew would take a while to get used to.  I was cautious, excited for the challenge but questioning everything that pregnancy entailed. Were we ready? Could we afford it?  All the sensible things came rushing in to my head, rather than gay abandon!  There was no turning back, had we really thought this through?  

I feel a bit guilty writing this. I'm sure I should be gushing, saying that I was overjoyed and never had a second thought.  In reality, I was speechless.  The next day, we booked a doctors appointment to get the ball rolling.  The Doctor arranged our first scan at Kings. And oh boy did that make it feel 100% real. 

Pregnancy over time was a mind blowing experience, but nothing compared to finally holding our baby in my arms.  It is so hard to believe that there is a real life growing inside you, that you tenderly carry this precious thing that you cannot see and then suddenly bang, they are here and they change your life forever.

It was telling a few select friends that made me realise that I could be excited.  Seeing my friends, so ecstatically happy for us gave me confidence in myself.  It allowed me to think that I could be happy and giddy with excitement about meeting our baby and spending the rest of our days with this special person.

New Years Eve 2009/10 - Pre baby days
Of course nothing can prepare you for the trials and tribulations of morning sickness, heartburn, muscle aches and pains and general uncomfortableness as the due date approaches.  Then next of course comes the labour and the less said about that the better. The only thing I wish I could tell myself in hindsight is to confirm that at the end of it, there will be a baby even if it takes 48hrs + in a hospital!  Eight months later and I can say I would go there again, regardless! 

I wake up pretty much every day and cannot believe how much I have changed, how lucky I am, and how dull and incomplete I feel my life was back then before I was pregnant.  Now I look upon my life with my rose tinted mum specs, and they are the best ones ever.

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